How to not lose your mind with a new puppy

It's a question you see all the time, especially on Reddit: how do you not lose your mind with a new puppy?

Here's what I think is the best advice you can get when a puppy comes home. It isn't a training technique. It's time: block out about three and a half weeks when your puppy arrives, more if you can. It's advice from Tony at Esprit Dog, a French dog trainer, and in my view one of the most important pieces of advice there is, because everything else depends on it.

"It's a baby"

I regularly read r/puppy101, a subreddit where people share their experiences with their puppies and ask others for advice. And very often, the answer is the same: it's a baby.

If you expected a perfect little dog from day two, it's not possible. You could be the best trainer in the world, have the best house in the world, the best dog in the world: it's not possible.

So if your puppy arrives and on day one you leave for an eight-hour workday, it won't work. I'm not a dog trainer, but the poor thing is a baby: they won't know what to do. They'll probably get into all sorts of trouble. You'll come home annoyed. And you're off to a bad start.

Being there is half the training

Toilet training

Toilet training is one of the simplest things there is, but also one of the most tedious, because you have to be there. Take your puppy out regularly, every two or three hours depending on the dog, and whenever they show they need to go.

With Jaina, it was almost as soon as she woke up: the first thing she wanted to do was pee. So I'd pick her up, we'd go outside, she'd do her business, and I'd praise her with a treat. She was happy, so was I. By doing it regularly, she still had a few accidents indoors, but she quickly understood that peeing happens outside.

The point here isn't the technique. It's that if you're not there, it doesn't work. If nobody is next to her when she wakes up, she'll pee in a corner of the flat. She can't hold it.

What they can and can't do

Same idea for chewing. Your puppy is chewing the sofa? You say no and offer a toy: "This, you can have." They quickly learn what's allowed.

Same outdoors. At a café, for example: "This is your spot, you can do this here." These first weeks are the most important: that's when your puppy gets used to you, to different environments, to what they can and can't do. And it lays an incredible foundation.

Why it's impossible while working full time

Honestly, it's exhausting. Depending on your dog, your sleep will be wrecked. With Jaina, I had to get up two or even three times a night.

If I have to wake up three times a night and then go to work at 7 am, I'll be wiped out. And every little mistake my puppy makes will drive me mad. To the point of wanting to throw them out of the window, when the poor thing has only just arrived.

With three and a half quiet weeks, it's no big deal. I slept when Jaina slept. She woke up at 5 am? So did I. We'd go for a little walk outside, I'd cuddle her and check how she was doing. And since puppies sleep a huge amount (around 20 hours a day), you have time to recover. As long as the puppy is all you're doing.

Tired sometimes, yes. But it'll be fine. When your puppy wakes up, you think: "Let's do a little quest, take the bus or the train, go to a café, go for a walk, meet other dogs, say hi to the neighbours." And you'll enjoy doing it, because you're at least somewhat rested. After a ten-hour workday, forget it.

"But I can't take three weeks off"

Some people will say: "I don't have that option." It's worth thinking it through:

• can someone help you during those first weeks?
• can you delay getting a puppy? Maybe not this year, but next year or in two years you might be able to organise it.
• otherwise, accept that it'll take longer. As Tony says, what takes one person a month or two might take you two years.

On that same subreddit, you see a lot of people at the end of their rope. Crating is very common there, not just for sleeping but during the whole workday. Picture it: a tiny baby, just separated from their mother and siblings, shut in for ten hours while you're at work. Even leaving their welfare aside, they're going to go stir-crazy. And problems that come from a bad start are very hard to fix later.

More time together, a stronger bond

One last point: the more time you spend with your dog, the more you love them and the more of their funny little quirks you discover. You get used to being together, and it's wonderful.

Getting a dog is a huge decision. You're taking responsibility for a little being who can't do anything without you. They can't go grocery shopping, build a home, go out alone to pee, look after their own health or train themselves. They need you.

If you're there, it's far more likely to go well, and you can react to whatever isn't working. If you're not, it's a lottery: maybe it works, maybe it's a disaster. And a disaster takes a lot of time and energy to fix.

For me, beyond training techniques and everything you need to watch out for, the best advice when a puppy comes home really is time. During those weeks, I also learned to sleep alongside Jaina: I talk about it in this article on puppy sleep. And it's thanks to that start that Jaina can now come to the office with me.

How Quest.Dog helps in the first weeks

During those weeks, Quest.Dog can give you simple ideas for every time your puppy wakes up: a quest near home, a bus stop, a café, a park. An easy way to vary their discoveries without having to think.

Quest.Dog is available on the App Store: search for "Quest.Dog".

FAQ

How much time off should I take when I get a puppy?

About three and a half weeks if you can, more if possible. It's the advice from Esprit Dog that I followed with Jaina, and it made all the difference.

Is it normal to be exhausted with a new puppy?

Yes. A puppy often wakes up at night and needs you around constantly. That's exactly why it's better not to be working during the first few weeks.

How often should I take my puppy out for toilet training?

It depends on the puppy, but often every two to three hours, and especially after waking up, after meals and after play.